Synthesizers.com Modular Analog Synthesizers home page
Fine modular analog synthesizers featuring classic styling and world-class customer service

Bizarre Email and Comments

Sometimes I receive bizarre email and comments. Here are a few.
Names have been removed to protect the silly.

See the un-bizarre Comments Page
and the random humor page.

  • John wrote:I have just finished reading your "Bizarre Email and Comments" page and would like to ask if you could send me a new pair of trousers as I wet myself laughing. Keep up the good work!

I'll have what you're having

Oct 20, 2014 - Someone Wrote:

I love your shit. Seriously, love it. Love love love. it's beautiful.

The hours I have spent, hours, which, it's occurring to me maybe the definition of individual productivity is some sort of coefficient of (amount of time spent manufacturing x) < (way waaaaaay < than) (amount of hours (hoooooooours) spent enjoying the heck out of x (like really hours of transcendental grade total absorption and flow state and epiphany and trusting x to the point of allowing it to reroute one's own personal neurology (patching in one's sleep, routing, shopping, learning, learning, learning, applying x to long-held dreams of the nature of 'if only I could do THIS (particular thing)))). So, according to this equation, you, good sir are certainly kicking some ass. Peak experience.

So thanks for this.

Polyphony Wanna Cracker??

Jul 12, 2014 - Someone Wrote:

The sequencer works.
Causes many pattern sounds.
My parrots are stunned!

Tower of Bable 2.0

Oct 26, 2011 - Someone Wrote:

Hi friends! I'm from Brazil. I'm a translator and I would like to know whether there is some part of a synth that is called: "pudgy heads"? Can you help me?

Confusion? Oh, I get it

Sep 19, 2011 - Someone Wrote:

A really good site but little confusing so clear that little confusion please good luck for future bye.

Where is that EASY button??!

Feb 16, 2011 - Someone Wrote:

Hello Sir/Madam
Well My name is ____ And I want to make a Special Inquiry Of Envelopes I will be glad If you can get back to me with Types, Sizes and Price of Envelopes You Have.And also Advise me on the method of payments that you accept, So that we can proceed with the order. I will be Waiting for your respond and Hope to hear from You Soon.
Best Regards.
Mark

Yeah, ummm, about those TPS reports...

Sep 8, 2010 - Someone Wrote:

We have been searching for a domain for a while now and I really hope that you are interested in selling synthesizers.com. If you will accept our offer of $1,000.00, we are ready to do business. At this point, we have been searching for long enough and are ready to move forward.

Procurement Department of Nigeria Calling...

Nov 18, 2008 - Someone Wrote:

Good day i will like to no the prices of your Panel Gates plus sales tax Or please email me with your website to browse on?

The Associate has LEFT the Building!

Apr 10, 2007 - Someone Wrote:

I was given your information by an associate. I am looking to purchase pre-printed envelopes. I am currently paying $0.03 per custom pre-printed Buff Wove #10 windowed envelope. They have a return address and indicia printing. I purchase 75K to 100K envelopes during the duration of each month. If you can meet or beat this pricing I would be interested in speaking with you.

Answer:
Envelopes created by the Q109 Envelope Generator are much cheaper than $0.03 -- Essentially free. I suggest you Attack this bargain before the value Decays to a level that is unSustainable. Open the gate, Release the funds, and place an order.

Abby Normal

Mar 14, 2004 - Someone Wrote:

I was wondering whether you sell synthesizers to the average person. I am average. ....

Yes, your therapy includes a brain transplant....

Nov 28, 2004 - Someone Wrote:

Unvoicically and rudyard kipling white nonsence TERMS of "...but...we got rid of the guy",extreme of STOP all things"we smashed em up..."hide of allow idiot to form into this thing"idiot"stupid"owner"subject non it"the man"terms,which damn dang madness of "back to lois loids"then in"androide4n assumption wallpaper paste"aflictted afixated "idealouguer"theorise"totalitarain"real I know are MAn,this keeps editting me out,single patrolled manager self managering ring being as really come to Billy Graham as thought club of that"yeee ya hillbilly...jazz"unknown unheard resemblence of"drum kits in jazz harmonics"nol vibe of "why do disco"Korg x5 thru a Roland mv45 music staTION and surf cosmic rolling comets and shouting thunder in "no,its just because you wont say what your doing"it-em item mimic Em ememem muhuma..This so add that and dont think look silly,is what plug is missings means get word -"the question",walls,hostess sells sausages,its>?Gredk.

Not from this planet, but got here as quick as I could....

Aug 24, 2004 - Someone Wrote:

Dear Purchase manager,
We are the profesional manufacturer of generator and has been in this field for over twenty years. We have been endeavoring toe make innovation on the techniques to match the change of the market. This generator is our latest design and with fashionable appearance adn portable handle. The output power can be 1000 W. 2.8 HP. If you are intereted in RX-1200, please tell me.

You're great, but....

Dec 23, 2003 - Someone Wrote:

I visited your site and I am quite impressed by your organization. I visit quite a lot of sites and yours is very good, but I would like to kindly recommend a professional makeover for your entire web site.

Watch out for that.....TREEEEEEE!

Nov 10, 2003 - Someone Wrote:

Can you tell me all about synthesizers and send me a picture please?????

Extreme case of Anti-Nimble-Ocity

Oct 11, 2003 - Someone Wrote:

I'm not a very good keyboard player, so is it possible to make a module that has a "Suck" knob that you can turn down or up in order to make my playing skills improve? ;) A sort of "Glory Module"?

Doc, it hurts when I do this...

Sept 26, 2003 - Someone Wrote:

Dear Sir, We are Indian agents. Our customer is to procure Trigger Pulse Generator with following specifications
1.Peak Pulse Amplitude:variable,positive pulse from 500V to 6KV
2.Pulse width:settable (1micro second and 3 micro second)
3.Pulse repetation rate(PRR),variable up to 200HZ
4.Short circuit current for all triggered voltage levels
5.Pulse riles time:10% of pulse width
6.Single pulse output facility
7.Trigger facility:internal and external ,synchronized
8.Input power 220-250volt AC,50 HZ
9.Necessary spares:one set and circuit diagram,operating manual etc.

Please fax the quote with our 15% commision included along with the below bid agreement.

Dead wood

May 9, 2003 - Someone Wrote:

I noticed your cabinets are made of wood. Why? People stopped putting electronics in wood cabinets decades ago. Maybe you need an update in your industrial style department. Otherwise, they look cool.

Broken forklift

Feb 22, 2003 - Someone Wrote:

Too big, WAY too big!

Synthesizers for Dummies?

Jan 7, 2003 - Someone Wrote:

Would you please tell me how a synthesizer works and what it does?

Contential Disconnect

Dec 20, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

We are a fast growing telecommunication company in Indonesia. We need used rectifier with the following specification: Cabinet Rectifier Type MP27RO66BC1350-48BT1085 If you have one, please send us the quotation for the used one.

Stuck in the OFF position

Nov 5, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

Please could you tell me what a double pole double throw switch is and why it is good to use in a circuit or bad.

Switch still STUCK!

Nov 1, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

I was looking at the [Q102] module. We are an appliance manufacturer who is looking for a type of 110 volt a/b power switch. A module that plugs into a 15 amp circuit and then controls which of two appliances can run on that circuit. Do you have something we would adapt or use for our needs?

Someone and Jill went up the hill

Sep 24, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

I'm doing geneology research and am looking for a guy named Jack ...... and your site came up at yahoo. Is there anyone there named jack?

Cooked too many neurons

Sep 12, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

I'm looking for a some replacement knobs and they are similar to the ones you sell but I need letters on them for the different settings on my oven.

Getting low on 02, and coffee

Aug 2, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

What kind of filters do you sell? All I see is a bunch of electronic parts.

Looking for a time machine

July 5, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

I don't know if you remember or not, but way back in the 60's there was a group that did an album called 'Switched On Bach'. It was cool and they had a bunch of modular synthesizers. I use to have the album but can't find it for the life of me. My brother remembered the singer was a mexican dude or something. Do you know the name of the group and if they're still around? I was hoping to recreate some of that sound. Do you have any suggestions which modules I would need? Thanks and great looking gear you make.

Luke, I am NOT your father

Apr 29, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

Hey can I have some modular stuff for free or what. I'm poor but i want more synths. HAHAHAHAHAH (uses the force) These are not the droids you are looking for, You will give me a free modular setup.

Book'em Danno!

Feb 12, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

hello
im looking for is a siren (note attached pic) do you sell these?
thanks

Yeah right!

Jan 7, 2002 - Someone Wrote:

please help me to finduot the casio cz101 synthesizer. my phone is xxxxxxxxxxx i want to by casio cz101 than you!

Brain-Fart

Dec 22, 2001 - Someone Wrote:

Is this a vintage synth tribute website or are these things real?

Spell checker gone amuck

Dec 17, 2001 - Someone Wrote:

I say you all dont relly know what your talking about. becuse i have one and it dose not do that. mine has 1050 diffrent sounds.

Possibly on the next website update

Nov 21, 2001 - Someone Wrote:

Do you guys have any pictures on the synthesizer? If you do please e-mail me them before monday!

Cash flow problems!

Jun 2, 2001 - Someone Wrote:

Do you ever donate big systems to minors? My dad said it wouldn't hurt to ask. How long will it take?

Jet lag to the Max

Mar 21, 2001 - Someone Wrote:

That synthesizer looks like a computer out of some grade B scifi movie from the 50's. The number of knobs is ridiculous! If you know what everything does, maybe you could fly a jetliner, too.

Ouch - stumped my brain!

Feb 2, 2001 - Someone Wrote:

I've been looking at your cool modular synthesizers but I have a question. Where exactly do the sounds come out? I see many jacks - which one do you use?

Someone spiked the Egg Nog

Dec 22, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

Sung to the tune: "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"

All I want for Christmas is a synthesizer,
A synthesizer, a synthesizer.
Gee if I could only have a synthesizer,
Then I could wish you Merry Christmas.

Seems so long since I could say
Optimistic Oscillating oscillators
Gosh oh gee how happy I'd be
If could only sequence.

Everybody sing! All I want for Christmas . . . . . .

Oh well, looks like it will be a "Silent Night". :)

Tangled cables?

Nov 16, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

Where are the mousepads!!!????

Actually, I think you're looking for The Moog Archives

What part of 'HUH!?' don't you understand!

Nov 12, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

I have a Technic KN5000 and am looking for a "siren" sound. Can you help me?

You just can't make everyone happy

Sept 29, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

You should make some cheaper "budget synths"

Twilight Zone theme playing in the background

Sept 17, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

I searched your site. I liked it but I really really want a synthesizer but I really don't know all that much about them and what they really do. I want to be a singer, is this something that I really need?? I think it is but is it worth all that money? How much would one really good one cost and how long would it take for it to get to me?? Are there any other little things that I would want to get with it to help it run?

Great new module idea!

Sept 13, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

Dear Sir, I'll be greatfull if send to me price for RF Amplifier as below :
RF- Sapesfecation For
1-Freq 2-6 GHz
Out power 33 dBm= 2 Watt
N.F 7 dB
Qty (5)Pcs
Please accept my best regard

Please get a designated driver...

Sept 3, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

Hello, i was looking into building a modular synth for a school project, but i must be as pocket friendly as possible...Do the panels, knobs, switches and levers come as part of the modules? I was origonally planning on using _legos_ to build such a cover, allowing actually, for very dynamic and easy to manuiplate casing, being that i can remove parts for cables, and virtually every moving part on the faceplate can be emulated with a lego piece with equal if not just a tad less percision. If they are included, can i get them excluded from the package for a discounted price? If they are excluded, can you please respond yelling at me for not reading closer? lol ;)

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...

Aug 12, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

I was looking at your cool products. What do the knobs do? I noticed there was a lot of them!

Missing one oar...

Aug 4, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

...Do you have some kind of interface that would take readings from plants and make music?...

Future Monty Python skit...

July 21, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

This is stupid!! WHy would someone spend a boat load of money on this stuff when you can buy a cool yamaha keyboard for about $200. Does demos, drums and everything. Man you guys are dorks!!

I need to put that on the website!

Sept 27, 2001 - Someone Wrote:

Does the Q125 Signal Processor feature 1/4 inch jacks?

New business plan...

July 17, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

...Do you sell modules by themselves?...

I kid you not...

July 2, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

Help!! I need a roland keyboard by next thursday!! Must be a good one!....

Can I call you back on this one?

July 24, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

Do you stock envelopes? Can't tell by your website.

Please see MENTALWARD.com

June 22, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

I've heard you can only play 1 note at a time on a monophono? This can not be true!

You have the right to remain silent...

Jul 1, 2000 - Someone Wrote:

Hello. Nice website you have there. Found you by doing a search on yahoo. I'm looking for a mixer to put in my boat so I can hear both the radio and the CB at the same time. Will the Q112 mixer do that?...

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