FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
"MORBIUS" CRUSHED BY GIANT SYNTHESIZER
Forum Members Mourn Loss
Euless TX, April 1, 2003 - A Synthesizers.com owner and forum member
who went by the cryptic name of "Morbius" was found crushed today
beneath a top-heavy and ridiculously over-moduled QSS-44. It is the
first in what is expected to be a series of such tragedies.
"I done told him it would happen," his bereaved wife stated from her
Smoky Mountain cabin. "It was always `Roger gimme two of them
ocillamajobbers' and `Roger gimme two of them Revibrators.' What
about a new car? A new dishwasher? What about our marriage?! I
tell you what--that's his real wife a-lyin' atop of him now! Hope he
Forensic evidence suggests that the ponderous synthesizer toppled as
the burly synthesist added the last of several Q-121 modules, pinning
him like a grizzled monarch butterfly.
"I never thought my Banana Jack Interface would turn deadly," sobbed
Roger Arrick, president of Synthesizers.com. "If he had invested in
normalization modules, he might still be a living, breathing, PAYING
The victim may have become entangled in a web of patch cords as he
struggled to crawl from beneath the massive instrument, the Smokey
Mountain Coroner's Office reports.
Although foul play has been ruled out, police at first suspected a
forum member with possible Mafia connections. Known only as "Guido,"
the mysterious dotcomrad allegedly scrambled to purchase the toppled
system even before Morbius' gall bladder could be separated from a
protruding 1/4" plug.
Other forum members expressed sadness, but not surprise. "Morbius
wouldn't listen to the more seasoned, experienced synthesists on the
forum," said a member who wishes to be called `Konkuro.' "He scoffed
at Mitchell's Law, which states that modular synthesizers should not
exceed a certain tonnage lest they become inefficient-and dangerous!"
When pressed to encapsulate the tragedy in a sound bite for the news
media, the wildly sexy and musically gifted Konkuro sighed, "He
fought the Law-and the Law won."
I have security camera evidence that you had a hand in this despicable act,
and law enforcement officers are at this moment, surrounding your residence.
I hope they give you the chair... we're all tired of you standing on your
Sincerely, Mrs. Morbius.
P.S. Has it really been that long since you've had a date?
Happy April Fool's ; ) a much thinner